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| September 27, 2016: Still drugged up, but semi-out of bed. |
So, today marks a month. I seriously can't believe it's been a month since my surgery. 2 months since I tore it, a month post-op, 2 more months before I can start jogging, 5 more months before I can probably start playing again and 6 and a half months until I graduate. To give you an even closer timeline, basketball starts Monday, I have makeup work that I still am trying to get done from when I missed for surgery, and this morning, I made breakfast at 4 am. Homemade biscuits and gravy. Yes, I actually made the biscuits and gravy. Wife me up, boys. Kidding.
It's hard to believe that I haven't worked out in 2 months. Any athlete that reads this knows how hard it is even if you hate practice, how much better you feel after you work out and when you don't work out, you can tell. No, I haven't turned into a blob or raging maniac. Although, I've become a little more doughy in places, understandably. My arms are still nice from when I had my walker, so that's a plus. My leg doesn't swell as much either, but my scars are itchy as all get out. I still have to remind myself how to walk normal and not on my toe, and I went to the doctor Monday and got my knee to 115 degrees. That's only 20 degrees away from normal. However, it may take me the next 5 months to get that 20 degrees.
I still have some pain, but not excruciating. It's just a dull annoyance now. Compared to what it was just three weeks ago, I'd rather have a dull annoyance than something that keeps me awake at night. It gets stiff because where I live it's getting cold. #Fall #Leaves #JustGirlyThings. I have a little bit of confidence going down the stairs, but still go at a slow pace much to the annoyance of my classmates. I apologize and they say, "You're fine." and I know it's not but it's fine, I'm fine.
On a more positive note, I get to get back in the weight room soon. DON'T START WITH TELLING ME NOT TO DO LEG STUFF.
I know. Trust me. Everyone including Obama has told me.
I figure I'll keep my arms nice and tone up my core while I'm down so I can at least be hot and cripple instead of just cripple. WHICH I'M NOT CRIPPLE. I HAVE TWO GOOD KNEES.....
One is just wonky right now.
I'm excited to be getting back to my old self, somewhat. People still stare in public and that kind of hurts, but I'm so used to it by now, I just smile and keep walking. Well, kinda walking. I feel more than capable some days and there are still days where I want to go outside in the dark and scream obscenities at the sky.... However, I spare my neighbors ears and try to figure out a way to put it to you guys with no obscenities.
I was talking to my psychology teacher and when she asked me how I was doing, I said, "I'm good." and for the first time in 2 months, I actually meant it. I'd gotten up at 4 that morning and today the same thing. I got up, did my homework, cooked some breakfast, had my coffee and went to school. Yes, it makes for a long day, but I felt like I'd accomplished something for the first time since my injury. Being out for an extensive period of time when I was as active as I was has made me feel quite less-than a few days in a row. I mean, I know I'll continue to get better, but guys.... it's still hard even a month after surgery.
People ask me all the time why I get up so early. It gives me time. God forbid I get up at 7. I feel so rushed and in a tizzy. Getting up when it's still dark outside is so calming. I have 3 or 4 hours before school that I can just have time to myself and get things done. A month ago, all I wanted to do was sleep. Heck, that was even the case two weeks ago. Admittedly I was depressed. I still am in a way, but it's not as bad as it was. Even losing a scholarship offer because a girl who played a similar position to me committed and having this injury and playing catch-up with school, I find myself wanting to be awake more and more. Like I said, there are good days and bad days, but now... the bad days have become less frequent.
I don't know if anyone reads this, or if you do, what you're religious beliefs are. Everyone's been telling me "God has a plan." and for a while, I would agree, but in my mind tell them they're full of crap and I was mad. I was mad at myself, my leg, everything. #ThanksObama. Now I realize that God really does have a plan even if I'm not meant to know what it is. From almost dying when I was born, to breaking my hip, to braces, to now, God has had a plan for me. "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called." I saw that on Facebook and it really put things in perspective for me.
In the bible class I'm taking, we're talking about the prophets and how God chose people who weren't in the spotlight to lead others to him. I mean, techinally, I'm not a prophet or anything, but the more I think of it, the more I resonate. I have teammates and know athletes that have been written about in newspaper articles, ESPN write-ups, raved and reviewed with thousands of Instagram and Twitter followers. I used to want all that. I wanted to be the All-American that everyone wanted and I wanted to go to Tennessee and play with Candace Parker and be that caliber of an athlete. I wanted the spotlight. The more I think about it now...... the less I want the spotlight. I've seen what it does to people and am thankful God has lead me down the path he has even if it's been super bumpy along the way. I'm not qualified for much, but I feel like with everything that's happened in the past 2 months, God is qualifying me for something. I don't know what it is, but I feel it.
Anyway, that's pretty much all that's gone on. Have a great week and don't take anything for granted.
Untill next week.
Happy Healing,
Alyssa
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